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Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Seriously
These few days i have been troubled with somethings.
I dont know whats happening to me
I dont know whether I could wait this long.
I know i could, but what will happen after the exams?
What will happen after the holidays?
I yearn for good grades, but at the same time i'm utterly distracted by the fact that i'm there and you're not here.
(not really actually, cause you spent more time with them over me)
But who am i to decide?

I have to think positively from now onwards
Living live as it is.
Emo? No. I'm just sweating things out in gym.
I gym because thats my limit of taking that kind of pressure.
I tend to think less there. Even if i think, I'll be distracted by the weights i'm carrying.
Even my best friends think that i'm not understandable, because they dont usually know what the hell am i thinking about. They just know i chiong gym, but they dont know why.

I have half the mind to tell you about this. But i didnt think it would matter you much cause you're really too busy spending your time somewhere else. I really want to tell you things that go through my mind now, but will it matter? I just have to get used to your lifestyle. I'm still trying hard to click with your friends, but i just cant yet. Somehow there's a barrier between me and your friends. Sorry, but i'm trying really hard. People just dont see me as what i am, they just see me as someone who doesnt have half the brains to behave like a man.

I seriously take offense to those to tell me i still behave like a girl now. Who cares about what you think about what i do in school or at somewhere else. I'm living life like it is. I choose to behave, you dont EVEN have a say in it, like it or not. I know last time alot of people used to think i'm not straight. Sometimes i'm even shocked that the friends in school used to think i wasnt too. I am trying VERY hard to prove them wrong. I walk differently now. I hold things differently now. I talk differently now. thanks to those who dropped pointers at me. people who still think i'm not "man" enough and choose not to click with me, Carry on. There's no point in convincing you any further than that. Carry on and behave the "MAN"-ly ways you are behaving right now. Did i mention that you walk like a freaking 50 year old woman? Notice yourself before you notice people, please.

Some people view me differently. Whereas this leads to one of my friends who is in the same class (not lecture nor tut) as me. Looks are deceiving, i can tell you that. Its pretty obvious that the INFORMATION IS EVERYWHERE, but you still couldnt see it, nor choose to know it, which then leave my close friend seriously pissed about you. I wished i could say something about this, defending you instead cause you helped me quite alot, but i'm hearing from both sides. (although i could have stepped up and defended her) but i choose not to. It doesnt concern me, not now at least. BUt still, you're there living your life happily, leaving her hanging and rushing her work at the same time. (you even cause her to fail her paper). what are you doing my friend. omg. I still cant believe that you did nothing. I leave out your name because i still respect you. But i think seriously next time you should be AT LEAST a tiny bit more responsible. did you know i defended you saying that "he doesnt know what he's doing"?

i should be in school right now doing my revisions.

Felt nothing.